Monthly Archives: June 2004

The desi blogs of relevance to queer issues

Finally, I’ve come across other blogs maintained by Indians which discuss about gay issues. Here are two which seem to be a little dormant at present. Let’s hope things will liven up soon.

To Nitin and Praana – I hope you will give me some much needed 2 cents on my ramblings. šŸ˜‰

Here is another article on another Frontline with relevance to sexual minorities in India.

Of particular interest to me is a little part of the article that I’m quoting below. Is this the hospital that I’m about to work in?

Not surprisingly, Mumbai’s AIDS rate has soared in recent years. Aronson visits one of Mumbai’s largest public hospitals, one of the few in India that doesn’t turn away AIDS patients. There she finds a man who is well into his sickness.

Crosswords, Docking and Fellatio

In the past couple of weeks, I have been mentioning about Crosswords. I’ve been searching the web for some good crossword sites. Here is the list and here is the best that I’ve come across until now – Newsday Crossword. It gives me great pleasure to inform you that I, with Ray of course, have managed to solve one whole Crossword from the Newsday site.

Apart from that, I’ve been enjoying these hugely enjoyable, educated chat sessions with this guy named Docker from SF, USA. He is the one who ushered me into the world of MC Escher the other day. The fun thing about chatting with him is the kind of stuff that he comes up with.

For example, his name originated from the term ‘DOCKING’. There is a new meaning for this word – In gay sex, this refers to the act of protracting one partners foreskin over the other’s glans, masturbating and then finally ejaculating into the others urethras. See the picture below.


The process of DockingĀ Posted by Hello

The act is rounded off by a nice session of 69. Docker, who is circumcised, finds this as the ultimate in sex. And he believes himself to be the ultimate in Docking!

Finally, I’ve found a reason why I should find fellatio so attractive. The reason is pretty straightforward. And it is from Docker himself. Here goes –

“Remember that if men were not meant to be sucked, their bodies wouldn’t have come with a nozzle!” – Docker

Doesn’t this sound way too logical? For me, yes! And to take to my craze to another level, I went through this site, which incidentally was discoverd by Ray, which features a fellatio tutorial. Check it out here – Fellatio Tutorial

Agonies in life

The agony of not hearing from your date is horrible. Especially when it is due to such trivial reason – the computer guy sustained a freak injury which delayed the formatting an installation of the OS in Mr. Lion’s computer. But after 3 days, I’ve had an e-mail with the preceding information which lessened the pain a little.

The agony of having to do something I hate is excruciating. Especially when the the aetiology is hopelessly shallow. Most of my relatives want to use me as their own personal doctor who could give them advice, which they could otherwise obtain, with a huge loss of money of course, from Cardiologists, Neurologist, Anaesthetics, Neurosurgeons, Infertility Experts etc. And I hate that. Why can’t they ever try to understand what I would like to be talked to?

The agony of not being able to enjoy sex because of preputial stenosis, or in even easier terms “True Phimosis”, is horrible. When you decide that you have to get cut, a dozen well-meaning Dads on SilverDaddies.com, who are willing to go to any lengths to coaxe you to retain your couple of centimeters of skin, make you re-think. Their reasons are varied. Most center on the fact that prepuce is a blessing which you can’t discard at will. Others argue that it is painful, causes decreased sensations etc. Now I’m going to try conservative methods after consulting a Urologist. If that don’t work out, I’ll try the radical method. Try this sit out if you have time – http://www.nocirc.org

The agonies of being unable to master CSS, of not getting a JRship with pay, of not yet finding a new home for my dog, of suspecting my friends about their committment towards me etc. are being obscured by the aforementioned ones.

Well, if there is so much agony in my life, why am I not even crying? I’m not the kind of macho man who would waste a tear for fear of losing masculinity. Maybe my pain-control “Gate” mechanisms are state-of-the-art. Or maybe I’m hallucinating. Or maybe I’m just too cool.

Two days out

This post was meant to appear two days before. Thanks to my great ISP which can’t figure out how to solve a local cable problem in under than 48 hours.

Yesterday was another special day. Ray celebrated his birthday with Mr. Lion in bed. It was the best possible birthday present that he could ever have I guess. Both enjoyed every moment of their time together. The day before, both were being apprehensive about how things would work out. And I, being the pimp, did my best to reassure them. I think it worked marvelously well.

To put things in perspective, Ray had sex with the man Iā€™m almost in love with and I am still feeling great about it. It must be something to do with us being insane because this kind of thing works out only in porn movies or fantasies. But the truth is, we are very happy ā€˜sharingā€™ the treasure that we have found from this desert for gays. And as I quote Karen from ā€˜Will and Graceā€™; ā€œIt is like finding a needle in a gay-stackā€, Iā€™m feeling proud about our friendship.

To celebrate things, we two decided to try our luck at another crossword, from another newspaper, hoping that things would be easier. To give you an idea how committed Iā€™m to improve myself in this, I bought an Oxford Advanced Learnerā€™s dictionary before we headed off to the beach with the newspaper. As things unfolded, we realized that the miraculous transformation in our skills, which the dictionary seemed to guarantee, was not going to happen yesterday.

Rayā€™s vocabulary is simply amazing compared to the average ordinary educated Indian graduate, thanks to about 10 years of voracious reading since high school. Mind you, even with that, these crosswords are being very difficult. I suggested Ray to give a shot at writing; even in a blog like this. But he says he is not yet good enough and that the knack of writing is something he doesnā€™t have. I hope he changes his mind, and the sooner he does it, the better.

Yesterday, I thought I went overboard trying to explain how lucky I was feeling after finding men of such quality on Silverdaddies.com. I am forced to continue doing so, as I found out yesterday, that a man that Iā€™m chatting with is ultra-cool. Iā€™m referring to Docker, again from Silverdaddies.com who is an artist/professor by his own right. He has worked with an amazing artist/painter/writer called M. C. Escher during the latterā€™s lifetime. And now, he is the proud owner of a collection of the works of Mr. Escher which is second only to the one found in a Washington Museum!

As pointless it is, of me, to point out that Iā€™m feeling onerous at this moment about this, M. C. Escherā€™s work is very interesting. You can check out some of the impossibilities in his featured paintings. Iā€™m not even scratching on the surface of this great artistā€™s work, but I feel special having added a bit of knowledge into my own brain about art in general, and him in particular.

Yet another gentle-mature-man from the US was kind enough to let him read his article on a magazine that he writes in. Very entertaining read indeed, it turned out to be.

See, this is what I love about older men. They seem to be more wise, more creative, more intense, more knowledgeable, more powerful, more ā€˜everything else that you can think ofā€™ than younger men and of course, any kind of women. My infatuation should be self-explanatory now.

Iā€™m now in touch with about 10 different older men over the internet from the US, Canada, UK and Australia. Most of them have hit on me at SilverDaddies.com and seem to be very interested in me. I chat with them and enjoy flirting with them, even with the feeling in the back of my mind that I might be cheating on them. Is there any other way of going about this that the generous reader might suggest?

Out of these 10 odd persons, 4 have offered me unimaginable luxuries if I were to fly over and start living with them. How and why should they be so generous, I may never understand. But Iā€™m feeling uneasy about these offers. Sometimes I feel like a part of the flesh-trade. There are times, when I remember a friend of mine friend saying that ā€œAn older man wanting to have a relationship with you might be a pedophile.ā€ Even other times, I feel that Iā€™m being a fool rejecting such great offers. I can assure you that rejecting them takes a great amount of will power.

I was chatting with an American Silverfox who enjoys international soccer. He likes watching the players and I enjoy watching the coaches. It suddenly occurred to me that just about everything I do in life these days is related to getting closer to an older man. Although this has been a blessing to me because such an urge made me improve myself as a person, itā€™s time I got a hold on it.

Extreme Gayness

I don’t know if anyone is keeping a track on gay blogs for the past 2 days, especially those from New York. The main event featured in these blogs is a broadway musical called That’s SO Gay: Tales of Extremely Gay Gayness. My godfather in blogging, FAUSTUS MD, performed a gay cabaret song which he himself had written. From the comments on his blog you can be pretty sure that he did a great job. Now, Faustus actually went on to describe, on his blog, a few facts about his life which, he thought, made him gayer than most other gay people. Having thought I had read enough about gayness for a day, I went through another blog called Evelasting Blogstalker by a man who calls himself Charlie. Found out even more about extreme gayness.

Ergo, my self-doubting alter-ego took center stage. How gay am I? I don’t dress like gays. I don’t walk poodles or matisse around. In fact, my dog can be considered as a ‘bisexual’ kind of dog. She isn’t either too masculine or feminine. I don’t frequent the gyms nor am I a particularly well built person. Okay, I adore boxer trunks! But very few people know that I’m actually gay. But I’m sure I’m gayer than most other gay persons. It’s just that I don’t go around splashing it all over myself. Maybe it’s because I’m in India. Maybe it’s because of the way I’m. Whatever it is, I’m very comfortable with it.

I may not be the gayest person alive. But I’m one of the geekiest persons to hail from my neck of the woods, I’m sure. Yesterday, I managed to get invited to 3 G-mail accounts from a source I wouldn’t like to divulge because I value their privacy. Now, most persons around me don’t even know what G-mail is. If that was not geeky enough, I actually spent the whole day migrating to these accounts from my current Yahoo accounts. My initial review gives 8 out of 10 to G-mail. The problems with the interface and slackness with attachments etc. seem to be problems that can be sorted out in the alpha version.

On a different beat, I talked for a long time with Chuck. We sorted things out. He has promised not be this creepy again. He actually wanted to hear all about my encounters with Mr. Lion. And I, as you might have expected, confided in him like a little pre-teen girl. I can assure you he was feeling like throwing up the enjoyable Punjabi food that we were having at a restaurant when this happened. But he still listened to me. He put forward his opinions. And he, mind you, is absolutely straight. And that is why I think he’s cool.

I don’t know if I’m the latest casanova on a site that I’m registered in (SilverDaddies.com), but I’m getting a lot of proposals from older men from all over the world. One of them, of special mention, is a very well known person (who is known as Skip ) in the sporting circles in Australia. He is a charming, funny, enthusiastic man who actually carried the Olympic torch when it went through Sydney. And he likes me very much. So much so, that he has actually invited me to come to Sydney for watching a summer test match at the SCG with complete hosting and entertainment from his side.

I told Chuck about this. And you should have seen his jaw hit the table to create a minor dent that would go unnoticed with the restaurant owner. He asked me ā€œWhatā€™s happening to the world these days? Donā€™t straight guys have any chance at all?ā€ Coming to think of it, he might be right. Look at me. I live in a conservative society which is orthodox and where, being gay is ridiculed. But, Iā€™m seeing someone, enjoying a sex life and finding great persons from all over the world. And Chuck, heā€™s not doing any of these at the moment. Straight persons, as someone said, must be out of their minds!

I’m rounding this post off on a sad note on behalf for those who follow English soccer. Yesterday’s game was breath-taking. But Portugal did give England the kind of fight that would at least, bring in some respect to the English defeat yesterday. And for da Wayne, he, in my opinion, will be good enough to be a force for at least a decade. And we will see more of him, talk more about him and raise his iconic status even further.

A couple of words and misunderstandings

Epistemology: Epistemology(Noun)

Pronunciation: [ĆŖ-pis-tĆŖ-‘mah-lĆŖ-jee or -ji]

Definition 1: (Philosophy) The study of the nature of knowledge: suppositions, conclusions, and all that happens in betweenā€”how we know things; the structure of knowledge itself.

Very interesting word. Something like a fact about fact. I thought I’ll share the word with you. Another new word usage that I came across today is ‘acme’. Someone told congratulated me on reaching my acme. Well, I’d rather think that I’ve never reached acme and am striving for it. Keeps the drive going. Some of you may have realized, my life’s peaking right now. But I am hoping that this is not the highest that it can ever reach.

I’m trying to don my Power Personality mode these days. Appearing confident about everything that I speak about. That can sometimes be deceiving to unsuspecting persons. Today, at the marriage ceremony that I had to attend, I had a few persons sermon me after hopelessly misunderstanding me. Check this out. I was having some fun with my uncle who I always enjoy having lively, humorous conversations with. I said “In four years time, I’ll be one of the most-wanted Orthopedicians in town. I should be very busy and hard to reach.”. The man behind me, my father’s cousin, pulled himself up from the slumber in a chair and said gravely to my ear “Whatever you do, always do something to help out the poor. Never let yourself be a money-machine who doesn’t care about people. This is my advice to you.” Escuse me! I was just kidding. I am one of the proponents of the doctrine that my father’s cousin preached.

Chuck had called me when I was at the wedding. I said that I was disappointed that he didn’t inform me where he went. He explained that he thought I would want to come if he had informed me. Since there was not enough space in the car, he thought I will feel disappointed. Excuse me! I’m 24! I can understand when someone says no to something. Especially if it’s for such a valid reason. He said sorry finally. But I need to talk to him about what he thinks of me.

Context sensitive ads & da Wayne

I guess most of you bloggers must be aware of the G-mail theory. 1 (whopping) GB of space with a little string attached: Context sensitive text ads. For all that I figured, I thought they might not be good. Life has a habit of proving me wrong these days, but only for the better. Check the top of my blog out. You see the banner ad saying “Indiana Jones” or “Sean Connery“? I’m very impressed. Apart from Mr. Lion, Mr. Connery is the only man I’ve been dreaming about. I’m waiting with baited breath until I get hold of his biography from the The British Library.

Apart from the my dating dilemas, Euro 2004 is happening too. I bring this point up as the first person to comment on my blog is a big time soccer fan. I too am a soccer fan. Coincidence? I too support England. Coincidence? I too root for Rooney, Wayne! Not a coincidence! Not in any bloody way. And the answer to that is because he’s on top of the world at this moment. People from all over the world are comparing him to Pele. Well, that might be a little premature. But this kid is good, I tell you! I hope he keeps up the magic and get England their first major title since 1966.

Oh by the way, Mr. Lion is happy to see me more often. I’m relieved. I’m happy and am gay. I’m expecing an explanation from Chuck today.

Love triangle

Life gets weirder. First of all, FAUSTUS MD, the man who inspired me (with the blog The Search for Love in Manhattan) to create this blog, replied to mail saying that he enjoyed my style of writing. Great! Mr. Lion gave me and Ray a wonderful tour of the zoo. It also featured close encounters with tigers which is what I have always fantasized about! Everything about Mr. Lion is infatuating! Ray finally agreed to my earlier descriptions about the man. Mr. Lion and Ray were meeting for the first time and now they are going to meet again in about three daysā€™ time.

Now, you must be confused about the picture. Iā€™m dating Mr. Lion. I along with Ray go see Mr. Lion. Mr. Lion is making plans with Ray. Itā€™s not a complicated love triangle. I and Ray canā€™t figure out why we are doing this. But the truth of the matter is that itā€™s very hard to find any SilverFox in this part of the world, forget someone like Mr. Lion! And therefore, we are okay with Mr. Lion seeing both of us at the same time.

Back to cloud 1. I want to see Mr. Lion more often. Not for sex always. Just to share some time between us. I donā€™t know if Mr. Lion is game for it. Iā€™ve sent him a mail asking him if he would be interested. I hope he says yes.

What would you do if your best friend did something like going to a hill station without telling you? What if the reason for him not informing might be that he is scared that you might want to go along with him to the tour? Chuck is doing this to me now. But Iā€™m fine with it. Iā€™m not that easy to convince against in such situations.