Them Clones – unplugged – part 1

Today afternoon, as I wound up the last rites of my recordings, I remembered that one my favorite bands in India Them Clones are going to be performing on a double-header unplugged gig in town. I was all excited and after informing Vinokur that I had to leave for the gig, I left. Being the poor Mumbaikar that I am, I reached there about 2 hours earlier than the gig to avoid cover charges.

Understandably, I was alone without company without money to enjoy. I looked like a fool. There were hardly any people except those who were having their exorbitant meals. I envied them. To make me feel better, I decided to ring up Vinokur using the international calling card. We had a nice conversation despite the ambient music that was being played. I remembered what comfort meant with air-conditioning, easy music, a wonderful smell, good food and some ambience – something that Vinokur has grown used to, something that I can never get used to without feeling guilty of unaffordable luxury.

I happened to run into a friend of S./E-boil’s colleague. But then, it was not that interesting and I spent a lot of time checking mail and blog entries of my blog roll. Soon I was bored again and I had talks with Professor X. and Vinokur. But by the next time, the music was a little louder and I found it difficult to listen to what they were saying. After hanging up with Vinokur for the second time in an hour, I settled into a high stool on a table in the middle to get the best sound possible. I happened to chat up with the vocalist from the band Scribe about jobs in the creative field.

Soon, the band started playing. It was simply super-fantabulastically-unreally-cool! They started with Jeremy (acoustic) which sounded even better than Pearl Jam’s own ‘unplugged’ version excepting the lack of Vedder’s vocals. My reason to go there was to listen to Alice In Chains being covered. They did cover three of their classics ‘No Excuses’, ‘Would?’ & ‘Down in a Hole’. Apart from these they played ‘Man who sold the World’ by David Bowie/Nirvana, ‘Pardon Me’ by ‘Incubus’ etc. They were smart enough to play some of their own originals including the beaautiful Zephyretta twice!

There were inexplicable snags at the sound part of it with guitars going dead. But apart from that, the sound was amazing. The bass guitarist from the band was using a Washburn acoustic bass guitar which was sounding fabulous! Despite my hunger and craving to eat something there, I was able to enjoy the gig. At each and every moment during the set, I felt I belonged in the stage. If only the Xander, E-boi and me band had worked out.

On my way back I talked to Vinokur again on the phone. We were happy to realize that Vinokur sexual prowess was back to normalcy for the first time after the ‘stroke’ that he had sustained while he was in India. But all fun was spoilt after I came home when Vinokur took an unncessary 3 tylenol tablets for shoulder pain. He was being extremely careless again. Despite me asking him to not take anything other than what was required, he took something which could have been avoided. We hung up soon afterwards.

I am very pissed andy angry at him. I love him far too much to lose him to drugs. Again.

Random updates

  • Songs: I’m almost done with the five songs! Just a few hours of work and I’ll be through! The last two songs are the electric version of ‘Freezing Flames’ and the re-recording of one of my old songs ‘Living Your Dream’. I’m sure at least the latter is worth waiting for!
  • Studies: Obviously, they been affected by the recordings. But it’s getting over and I’m glad! Now, I can read almost the entire day except for practice. That should relieve at least a few of the blog readers including my sister.
  • Ray: My (gay/bi) friend Ray was planning to get married to a woman, if you remember. I have consciously not bothered to talk to him about the matter in the last weeks. Seems no further plans have been drawn. Instead, he is kinda looking forward to meeting up with new people for a platonic sexual relationship.
  • May: She is making me proud by already getting one of her research papers published in a medical journal. I still remember that it was one of her dreams to publish as many research papers as she could. I’m so happy for her!
  • Vinokur: He is giving me the scares again by getting oversedated frequently. Twice in the last three days he’s been so sedated that he reminded me of the time he was in Mumbai. After a day of heavy scolding coaxing, I have convinced him to talk to his shrink and get his sedatives tapered down.
  • Record Label: It seems that they are going down with Lehmann Brothers, Merryl Lynch etc. Their promised dates of paying us the money were for this month were the 15th and the 24th. I have lost all trust in them! No hopes on ever getting paid! 😦

The green eyed beauty

I’m sorry I didn’t do this post earlier. I was too tired and sleepy to do this yesterday itself. For some reason or the other, I woke up very early around 4.30 am. I did my chores and worked on a song a little before having a rehearsal session with Noise Market.

Soon after that, I left for the much awaited GB brunch which costume party was themed Madonna meets Munnabhai. When I came to Mumbai 3 and half years back, a GB Brunch was the first GB event that I had gone to. It was a very liberating experience then as I was ushered into the world of open gay social life. I had gone with a good friend of mine who also happens to be a red-hot-shot surgeon.

This time around, the event was boring. There were hardly 50 men attending. The various events which took place were based on the theme. The music was drab too because of the shabby speaker system. The only fun game was a contest to put the maximum number of condoms on a brinjal held as a dick. Ironically, I and my partner (for the event) won the event with 7 and a half condoms!

The food was delicious. More so because of the mere fact that I have not been eating anything decent for the past 2 months or so. I had lots of chicken & fish and biriyani. That itself made the event worthwhile for the entry charge. But the real treat was this middle aged balding man with green eyes. I was so ogling at him that I wished I could hit on him. Thankfully, one of my other doctor friends was his friend and I was introduced to him. But I couldn’t talk to him much. He had to leave and so did I.

I came back home kinda disappointed that the brunch wasn’t as exciting as I had thought it could be. I was so tired and sleepy that I came and sent Vinokur a message stating the obvious and that I was going to sleep. I was hoping to get back up early to catch him before his sleeptime. But that didn’t happen. I slept for a cool 13 hours and woke up at around 10 in the morning!

I need some opinion

Hey people, I guess I am being a little too narci-song-issistic. But still I would like to know what you guys thought of the recording of ‘A World Full of Lies’. I uploaded it to MySpace and Last.fm and they don’t offer song widgets like SoundClick. The lyrics are given below. For those who can listen, please do and comment.

  • Listen to the song on MySpace.com
  • Listen to the song on Last.fm

A World Full of Lies

I could look at your face and
Tell how long I have hated you
And leave you feeling dazed
But that would be too easy on you

I could wipe the dust of the pane and
Show you what lies inside
But is there a point in all of this
If you are blind to what you have done

But I can’t do anything
To wash out the dirt that’s inside
And I can’t do anything
I am burning, burning from inside

I could list all of the lies you said
And still be short of breath
But why are we wasting time
On something that was so easy for you

I could have seen through the veil
That you were wearing all through out
But is there a point in all of this
If I can’t wipe this scar away

As I can’t do anything
To wash out the dirt that’s inside
And I can’t do anything
I’m still burning, burning from inside

Burning inside, Burning inside

As I can’t do anything
To wash out the dirt that’s inside
And I can’t do anything
I’m still burning, burning from inside

Burning inside, Burning inside

I’ve been busy in the last two days trying to come up with ideas for the last two songs in this recording. I am nearing completion to both of them and you can expect to hear them very soon.

Of whores and jobs

I have been getting the kindest and warmest comments to many of my rather depressing posts. I must make it clear that I’m grateful to all of you and your comments really help me re-orient myself in taking the best decisions. But more importantly, my sister and my brother in law, to both of who I’ve been rather critical in this blog, have helped me out with some money. My sister also talked me out of trying to get a job until my exam gets over in late November. So, at this point of time, I’m not job hunting. I’ll pursue that after my exams.

I’m sure you people are dying to know what happened during the time that I thought about ‘whoring’. I had pinged about 15 or 20 different men in Mumbai in my hunt for Sugar Daddies. In amongst them, I got very interesting responses. First of all, only about 8 or nine replied out of which, 2 have already become my friends as they were very surprised that I was selling out my body. I have met one of these guys on GB meets. There is also this amazingly handome man who gives free massage. I might take this option up in the future to enjoy a massage vice versa.

More importantly though, very funny things took place in the exchange with one of the two who were interested in being a Sugar Daddy. The profile name of the guy (I’m not outing this guy and his name sounds like sodomist23) was itself funny. He replied to my first message saying ‘Yes.’ We exchanged messages and he expressed his intense desire to meet him. All this happened in the span of the day and by evening he wanted to meet up with me at my place. I said that we needed to know each other before meeting. He asked me for my mobile number. I told him that I don’t give phone numbers to strangers unless I get to know a person more. That made him furious and he signed off saying ‘you are nt courageous… you r wasting my time… don’t evr msg me again… bye’.

One of the other guys who could have been a sugar Daddy for me said that he didn’t like my beard and that the moment I got it off, I can approach him again. The third guy who responded with a yes to my ‘Are you a SugarDaddy’ messages hasn’t responded to my detailed reply. Another person turned out to be a kind soul and asked me to not sell myself out and face my situation with courage. He also offered his time to talk over a coffee or something if I felt like it.

What I infer from this experience is pretty clear. People really start judging at the time you start selling your ass. Most people don’t even want to talk to you if you start asking for money. They would not be willing to listen to your story. At the same time, the people who are interested in this ‘whore-call’ are usually those who are superficial that they can’t let it evolve gradually. They expect me to be a whore and comply to their demands like a slave.

The job hunt series didn’t really go well. I have not gotten responses for the few jobs that I did apply for. I have gotten a billion more options to check out thanks to my readers here on the blog. But I have shelved that option until the next important academic landmark in my life. I’ll post later on in the day of some very interesting developments on the music front.

Ideat Savant

It’s time to look ahead. After a lot of depressing posts about how my life sucks in general, this is a welcome change for me too. This recent resurgence of song-writing and positive comments from you guys and Rob have made me rekindle the idea of forming a band featuring such material. I’ve always had a plan actually. After the relative success of Noise Market and Shoonyas, I feel more confident.

Another striking fact – after spending a lot of time recording my own material in past few days, I have also starting to realize how much easier it’s to make music alone. Your can let your own ideas flourish and not be restricted to any other view point. Of course, this can be a bad thing as well. But in my case, at least until now, I think I’m making better stuff out than when I’m with my bands.

The name that I came up with is ‘Ideat Savant’. If you are wondering what it means, I would like to clarify that it’s not a spelling mistake. It’s a spin off the word idiot savant, a condition of people in Asperger’s Syndrome. Vinokur is borderline Asperger’s and he uses this term quite frequently in the conversation. But that is already taken up by other bands.

idiot savant (noun)
An intellectually disabled person who exhibits extraordinary ability in a highly specialized area, such as mathematics or music.

I wanted something with the same concept. And I searched for words similar to ‘idiot’ and stumbled upon ‘ideat’.

I`de´at (noun)
1.(Metaph.) The actual existence supposed to correspond with an idea; the correlate in real existence to the idea as a thought or existence.

Savant (noun)
1. A learned person; a scholar.
2. An idiot savant.

Obviosuly I want your opinion of what you think of this name.

I’ve just started my own MySpace and Last.fm pages and have uploaded the latest songs as well. I am planning to find some guys or gals who are interested in joining me in this band. I am hoping that this time I’ll be succesful. Even if the competition that I’m sending an entry to turns out to be disappointing, I might check these songs out with a record label and pursue this further.

I hope this was some good news after all!

(A mix of my latest recording ‘A World Full of Lies is at either of the pages. I’ll probably mix it once more before putting it up here.)

Clarification

Many have commented on my latest post and have expressed their wonder and amusement at my state of affairs. Some think that I was just joking around in an attempt to raise some attention and chatter. There are some facts that I have to clear up.

  • I was NOT kidding. I was and am totally serious.
  • I have applied for part-time jobs online. I’m already on my way to starting some guitar lessons for beginners. I’m also applying for writing in some magazine or newspaper.
  • To have sex with money involved is not a new thing to me. It’s not really prostitution. Sugar Daddies are people who like to treat their spouses with some class including monetary support. If I find one to date around, it’ll get me some social outings and some money. It’s not plain prostitution.
  • Plus, I don’t think that prostitution is a shameful thing to do. I have always admired the guts of whores to face the society who look down on them. But think of it, they are earning money doing something what they are good at. Thankfully, it’s sex and everyone will have pleasure out of it.
  • The fact is that I’m not having regular meals. That too, for the past 3 months. Usually I just have that 16 rupee dosa plate and something like instant noodles or rice with curd as another meal as ‘linner’. I buy some cheap vanilla cake to serve as a snack. I could cook but then, I don’t want to end up spending a lot on groceries. And obviously I can’t eat at restaurants.
  • I got into this state because of things going wrong. I was supposed to pass my exams in May. I didn’t because of many reasons. Vinokur and I were supposed to stay live together. But that also did not happen because many similar reasons. Our record label hasn’t paid us since May. That’s the single most important reason why things went wrong. I was banking on that.
  • I’m a proud person. I’m usually generous when it comes to lending people money and I expect that from my friends. Not that they haven’t helped me. But the initiative to help me has to come from my friends. Just like how I do to them. I’m also in this state because I have lent out more than 40, 000 rupees to my friend S./E-boi. He is also stuck because of the record label thing.
  • Vinokur would have helped had he himself not been in a crazy situation with insurance and bank balances back in NYC. He has always been supportive and is looking up unimaginably complicated ways to send me some money.

I hope this will clear a lot of your doubts. Again, I’m not joking around. I have been getting generous offers from strangers, readers of the blog and some of my friends. I’m very, very thankful to all of you. But I would have to refuse to accept money from you because of the reason that we aren’t close enough to do that. Thank you once again.

If this record label things clear up, then I’ll be in good stead. That will also kickstart live gigs which will pay me enough to make ends meet. And I won’t be needing any help. Thankfully, my sister (I don’t know if she read my posts or not) has sent me some money for paying my bills and stuff. I still can’t make myself eat anything more than the minimum that I need to satitate the hunger with. That’s because I think I might be in a spot sooner if I don’t act miserly with the help that I’m getting now.

Hope It’s Over – mix

Yesterday night, I couldn’t sleep well. Was worrying a lot about what’s going to happen to me. After getting up, I logged on to MonsterIndia.com, created a profile for me there and submitted for a couple of job applications. Side by side, I’ve also started checking out options for getting Sugar Daddies. If I’m in a mood later on in the day, I’ll probably look up jobs in music stores, radio stations, music channels etc. You can keep on giving suggestions so that I can at least have food and internet – I need to have internet to maintain contact with Vinokur.

Since I’m feeling slightly better after a couple of ‘Dads’ responded to my messages on a personals site, I’ll bother to post in the song that I recorded yesterday. It’s the second in line of at least four that I’m going to send in for the competition. It’s called ‘Hope It’s Over’. I had posted a shabby acoustic version earlier. It’s a full fledged electric version. Once again, I would put in a disclaimer – Don’t worry too much about the vocal track. It needs some work. But I don’t have better mics and saner mind to do it now. Lyrics are attached below. In a weird way, this song kinda sums up my present state of mind as well.

Hope It’s Over

Hope It’s Over (lyrics)

When did I stop being, what I used to be
Where did I start falling, you weren’t looking
What did I start chasing, it feels so long
Whom did I leave stranded, I fell so hard, I felt so low

Was it you, was it me, who knows

When did I stop listening, it was deafening
Where did I stop looking, what lies ahead
What did I start wishing, wish I’d be there now
Whom did I try faking, I tried so hard, I felt so lone

Was it you, was it me, who knows
Was it you, was it me, who knows

The hope that is left, is it too heavy to confess
The hope that is left, it’s so easy to forget

Was it you, was it me, who knows
Was it you, was it me, is it over?

Is it over? Yes it is.

(PS: This was originally written after a phone conversation with my sister which I’ve blogged about. She is a silent reader on this blog. When we talked yesterday, she said she liked the ‘words’ of the Rainbow Song, but not the tune. I hope she likes the tune of this at least.)

My world is caving in

I’m in a very bad mood. Things have gone from worse to some undefined state which is worser than that. What incited me is that my credit card has become defunct now. I went out to shop for groceries and I couldn’t pay for them. And I had to dish out 150 Rs. from my pocket for them. That leaves me with just about 500 Rs. for the entire month.

For those who have wondered why I should be penniless – I was a resident doctor until about a few months back. Now, I don’t work at a hospital. I have clear my exams before I can work again. The money promised by the record label hasn’t come in yet. I don’t know if it will ever. I’ve been helped by friends, my sister and my parents in the past and I can’t hope to ask them for more.

I face internet, mobile and other blackouts starting in a few days. The number of meals that I have in a day have to be cut from 2 to one or none. I just had breakfast today. And I don’t know what to do. The only hope is to sell my body out and make some money with sex. Or else, I could opt for a job but that will deprive me of my time of studies.

I’m so pissed at myself that I am not even going to talk about the new song that I recorded today. I think my poverty is going to be a reason to spoil whatever good things that I have left in my life. For those who feel like commenting, please suggest some jobs that I could do. I’m a medical graduate and I don’t have any other ‘mainstream’ qualification.

Chocolate Rain

I am kinda slow, you know. Vinokur is slow too, but just a little faster. He caught up with this raging internet phenomenon of ‘Chocolate Rain’ yesterday. Originally published in early 2007 as a song written and performed by ‘Tay Zonday’ in a YouTube video, it shot to fame in 2007 thereby earning a celecbrity status to Tay. I, someone who does similar stuff of posting my own songs on the internet, got to know about that today. It’s weird! Watch it!

This song’s gotten 29 million views on you tube. It’s the single most popular song played on the planet!