A bitch at work

I started the work-week being all positive. I woke up feeling all pumped up and ready to bring my life back on the most-desired track. This, in my case, includes a direct bus to and fro to work and back, good 9-hour working day, a couple of hours at the gym, another couple of hours rehearsing songs, and quiet dinner, and some time catching up with friends online.

After my morning cuppa, I felt ready to conquer the world. I took my gym bag with me down the stairs of my apartment building, hoping that work would be kind to me. I log on to Twitter on my mobile phone and as I am browsing through the tweets, my direct bus comes in like a whirlwind, stops briefly for a second, and zips past me. I realize that only when I feel the dust-smoke cloud formed by the bus engulfs me.

What a sad start. I get a rick and hurry to work not wanting to lose the time advantage that I had. I walk into work and check my schedule and I find a bitch of an assignment waiting for me. I take a few minutes to finish away a work-related chore that I have been putting off for long.

Then I start working on the bitch. She was full of ticks and fleas, and was fat and a pig. To make things worse, the freelancer that she was to be pruned by had peed and shat all over her, making her distinctly unpleasant to work with. I would like to bitchslap the freelancer so that her cheeks are more skewed than the W’s ideas about WMD.

I work away at the bitch incessantly, clipping her overgrown finger/toe nails, trimming her overgrown fur, and giving her a nice anti-helminthic purge before I washed her down of all the sludge. I take teeny-weeny breaks for breakfast and lunch in between. But the bitch is so unwieldy that I can’t even pee the whole evening. Well, until I got done with her at least – by 7.03 pm.

There is no energy left in me. I leave the gym bag at work, hoping that I will wake up nice and early tomorrow, turn up for work early, LEAVE work early, head to the gym, go back home, and head to the party at the Banana Bar. I hope there ain’t another bitch waiting for me at work.

In a year’s time, he said

You eased into my life that day
When you joked about me getting hit by a car and dying
I wasn’t quite sure of it then
But I made sure I didn’t get hit

You eased into my life that day
When we went on and on entertaining each other with our wit
I wasn’t quite sure of it then
And we made sure we didn’t fall in love

You eased out of my life the next day
Saying that I had the chance once and I’d failed to grab it
I wasn’t sure what I had missed
I am not sure about it now either

You eased back into my life today
Saying you were unwell and had a terrible period of ill health
I wasn’t sure how bad it was
And you gave me vague answers

You eased back into my life today
We joked about for quite awhile until I had to say goodbye to you
I wasn’t sure if he’d be my mate
And you wished me well in my endeavor

You’d eased back into my life today
When we decided playfully that in a year’s time, if we both were single, we would take it up again
I am not sure if we were joking about it
I won’t be until the coming Jan 30th

The best pride ever!

Working half-day – slogging, quite literally – before heading down town for the pride march and the accompanying festivities isn’t the best idea. But I had to do it because it fell on a working Saturday and I had to at least work half-day. I reached just in time to catch Celina Jaitley and Ashok Row Kavi address the crowd. No sooner as she left the stage, the organizational committee wanted me to speak on the megaphone, which was a bit crazy I thought. I managed to utter a few sentences before getting off the podium and joining the pride march.

The march itself was pretty amazing. It was very strongly populated. But what made the afternoon/evening/night most memorable was the company. The company of a man who claims that I had written something bad about him on this very blog after our first date about 2 years back. I’m talking about Craigie. He is the funniest, sarciest bitch that I know and I love him. He kept me company through the march, and then at the post-march party at Café Ideal, then at a friend’s apartment/terrace, and then finally at the post-pride march GB party.

We laughed so much that I really can’t remember the time when I had laughed so much. Maybe back in 2007/2008 when Vinokur was at his best! That’s how funny he was! Americans are funny, but Craigie is special and takes the humor to another level. We happened to have the company of one a DDG, handsome German actor H. who was with us most throughout the evening. We had a blast! This is how partying should be. Fun, laughter, merriment!

Of course, I had my share of luck with a bunch of older men at the GB party, a couple of whom I was forward enough to make out with. But alas, all of them are married and have families and are closeted. Well, I did meet a single Kiwi guy – my second Kiwi guy in a week’s time – who might be an interesting person to hang with. But Craigie and H. made 2011 pride really special!

The Queer Ink Open-Mic Night

The last time I went for a semi-open mic event, about a year back, I came back disappointed – so much so that I had promised that I would never do it again. But then, three months or so later, I went on to to perform a song on a rooftop party where the choir that I used to sing was performing. I performed ‘Living Your Dream’ and I got a wonderful response. On that day, I had dedicated that song to Sidd Coutto, who was then part of Shor Bazaar.

Tonight, after a whore of a day at work, when I took a train to Bandra station – I was already late – I was not very apprehensive. That must have been because I had performed solo sets a couple of times in the last two weeks. I texted the organizers mentioning that I would be arriving late. To my surprise, and I’m grateful for them, they had put me as the last performer for the event. That made me feel proud!

There was a lot of wonderful talent out there – singers, story writers, poets, comedians – almost everything under the sun, just like different shades of the rainbow! Alisha Batth was there accompanying a friend of hers on the guitar and my friend Georgina Maddox did a couple of wonderful songs. My good friend Deep recited a short story that he had written, and another friend Praful recited a Hindi poem.

Finally, my name was announced. The organizers were kind enough to give me extra time to perform two songs. Despite some sound problems with plugging my guitar on to the mixer, I gave a good performance. I played ‘The Rainbow Song’ and ‘Living Your Dream’ and I was fortunate to get a rousing applause for both the songs, especially ‘Living Your Dream’.

After I wound up, one lady came up to me and told me that she was crying when she was listening ‘Living Your Dream’. That’s such a wonderful thing to hear!  I was so happy after the event that on my way back home in the train, I donated Rs. 100 as charity to educate poor school children in the interior of Maharashtra!

I should do this more often!

Thanks to Shobhana S. Kumar from Queer Ink for this wonderful space for queer artists!

Queer Gear for the Straight Ear at the Carter Road Amphitheater

Yesterday’s ‘Queer Gear for the Straight Ear’ event as part of the Queer Azaadi week celebrations was a grand success! For the first time ever, I performed with three separate bands on the same stage (Shor Bazaar, Cirkles, and Ideat Savant). The crowd was about 150 strong at best but was supporting all the acts who performed (including MH04, Alisah Batth & Alisha Pais, and Amar (Sax) and ??? (xylophone)).

Shor Bazaar performed ‘Rasili’, ‘School’, ‘Savita Bhabhi’, ‘Nikamma’, and ‘Pagli Ladki. We got a great response for ‘School’ and ‘Savita Bhabhi’. Ideat Savant performed ‘The Rainbow Song’, ‘Living Your Dream’, ‘What I Have Lost’ and ‘The Prayer Inside This Song.’ We didn’t get much crowd response, probably because the crowd had thinned out and we were playing originals. Cirkles played ‘I Want To Break Free’ and ‘I Will Survive’ to a 30-strong cheering group of supporters!

But the highlight of the evening was the fantastic performance by Alisha Batth and Alish Pais! Wow! I can’t describe how beautiful, vibrant, and energetic they sounded! Notable covers they performed were ‘I Alone’ bye Live and ‘Hallelujah’ by Leonard Cohen.

This event got covered the Hindustan Times. They story, which can be found here and here, quoted the chorus of ‘The Rainbow Song’. This is such a proud moment in my life – when my lyric got published in a national newspaper.

All in all, a super success!

The Indian Express Article

Today, an article about gays and their use of the internet to ‘come out’ was published in the Indian Express. Yours Truly was featured in the article, that too with a photograph. Here’s a link to the article.

The Digital Afterlife of the Queer
Richa Bhatia, Indian Express, Jan 26, 2011*

Coming out to family and friends is not always easy. A number of
dedicated websites have now developed to provide LGBTs with a support system

It was in his early twenties that Madurai-born Shridhar Sadasivan typed the keywords—connection, community, Queer Chennai on the Yahoo group MovenPick (a non-sexual support space for lesbian/ gay/ bi/ transgendered (LGBT) people in Chennai). What was he looking for? Confirmation that his sexuality would not be an impediment in the larger social context, something that MovenPick provided. As opposed to children from hipper, and less conservative outposts, Sadasivan, now in his early 30s “suffered with shame and guilt” all through his teen life. “I had no clue about homosexuality. I had no one to reach out to. I tried to kill myself. I found Internet and it helped me understand my sexuality, accept and be comfortable with who I am and then come out to my friends and family”, shares Sadasivan, who is now currently based in New Jersey, United States, where he works in the IT industry.

Past the closet days, Sadasivan is now making a splash with his profound stories that are published in the Tamil magazine Thinnai and Thendral. He is also a member of the executive team of Orinam.net, a bilingual LGBT resource website and is trying to create awareness in the mainstream about LGBT issues through his writings. “Indian kids normally discuss attraction, sexual feelings with friends. But kids with same-sex attraction can never discuss with their friends, so there is no support system other than the Internet as of now,” rues Sadasivan.

It is a common queer narrative. The rise of the Internet has kickstarted the emergence of a worldwide queer support system. “The personal coming out experience is certainly enhanced by the emergence of online communities. The website lends them anonymity, as people do not give out their real names. If you are anonymous, you can say whatever you want, people can’t judge you,” says MJ, Mumbai-based co-founder of the two-year-old portal gaysi.com, a first-of-its kind initiative in India, where the desi-gay community comes together and shares personal stories of their struggles and their coming out narratives. Over the past two years, the website is seeing traffic from all over the world,with about 500-600 hits a day of late. “Besides international dating sites, there is no online platform where desis can come over and connect. So we set it up pumping in money from our own pockets,” said MJ. Though still not a commercially viable project, she is wary of asking for donations. “The advertising revenue is next to nothing, so we are looking for other ways of marketing, including endorsements from corporates who are not hesitant to support our cause,” she says. 24-year-old Agnivo Niyogi sees larger implications for the LGBT presence on the web in the socio-media landscape. “Of late, the LGBT community is seen as a good market to invest. It can prove commercially viable through right marketing and niche products. We already have queer stores and queer e-zones,” said the Kolkata-based Niyogi, who is also a contributor to the one-year-old monthly magazine Gaylaxy, an online LGBT magazine. Though there are overseas niche websites such as TwoBrides.com, TwoGrooms.com — a one-stop-shop for gay weddings that offers products, information, wedding stories and ceremony topics — the scene in India is very nascent. “People are not willing to come up with such ideas. There is a lack of initiative,” rues Niyogi, who works as a content developer with New Age Knowledge Solutions.

There wasn’t any internet in Thiruvananthapuram, when Krishna Kumar Venkitachalam, now 31, came to grips with his sexuality. There was no one to talk to either. In his early days, Venkitachalam, logged on to Yahoo groups to “find friends online”. Since then, he has moved base to Mumbai, where Venkitachalam, who has a degree in Orthopedics, works in a KPO by the day and slides into the musician avatar as Kris Bass and gigs by night. Bass is also a popular blogger at http://www.engayinglife, a seven-year-old blog started in Mumbai. It was through the blog that Venkitachalam chose to come out in 2007. “My sister and her husband first read the blog in 2003 and came to know about my orientation, though I officially came out to my parents in 2008. My mother had known about it for sometime but chose to ignore it since she thought I was too young. She is very supportive, though my Dad is still shaky about it,” shares Venkitachalam. His blog, about “a queer, amateur songwriter and a bassist gives an insight into a person who is also gay”. These days, he is perpetually online, hanging out in chat rooms “not to seek sex but intelligent conversation”. “I am not a gay activist,” notes Venkitachalam. “I am just letting people know that I am pretty much a next door type guy, who also happens to be gay,” he said.

Of course, there are errors in the article. First of all, there WAS internet when I came to grips with my sexuality. That’s how I got to know that there were millions of men like me. There were very few people to talk to, and I came out to my friends first. Then, this blog wasn’t started in Mumbai. I started blogging when I was in Thiruvananthapuram.

I don’t exactly know the time when my sister and my brother-in-law came to know about my orientation, but I guess it was around 2004/2005. I was always out on the blog and I have hardly used it as a means to come out. Of course, my friends, when they come across it at first, come to know about my orientation (because the header says that I’m queer).

I have always come out to people personally – either by telling them on their faces that “Dude, listen how can I get in bed with you?” or “Girl, do you have a father/uncle than I can have sex with?” – or by joking about it, just like I did in the first part of this sentence.

I had indirectly come out to my sister way back in 1999 when I had made a website for myself. At that point, my home page had a statement saying that “I’m definitely not a heterosexual.” My sister had read it and I thought she had chosen to ignore it.

Then, I came out to my Mom and Dad in 2009. That was the first time they came to know about it. I don’t think they have ignored it ever. But they do have problems in talking to me about it. I must admit that my Mom is getting much better at it now.

So, I became famous once more. Thanks Indian Express.

Thursday’s gig

In two days, I will be making my debut as a singer/songwriter with a five-song of Ideat Savant (http://myspace.com/ideatsavant) set at the QAM Pride-related event in Carter Road amphitheater. The details of the event can be found at this link. Alongside, both Shor Bazaar (Noise Market) and Cirkles (Shoonyas) will be playing sets. So, it is a very special event for me, where three of my projects perform at the same stage. Apart from us, Alisha Batth & Alisha Pais and the band MH04 will be performing.

The rehearsals have gone pretty well. I hope that the event will be grand success. Wish me luck!

FaceBook event page
http://queeerazaadi.wordpress.com

Social clowning

It’s a known fact that I like humor. I like clowning around and like to make a joke out of myself. But even more interesting are instances when I feel the urge to involve a total stranger into my web of humor. It usually happens with waiters and waitresses.

So, yesterday evening, at the gay party, I met this wonderful Kiwi guy. During our conversation, a particular waiter, who brought us a vegetable salad with a dip, interrupted us every 10 minutes or so. He was rather portly and had a sly smile on his face. On the fifth time, I asked this waiter:

Do you like this guy?

The waiter laughed and was visibly embarrassed and never returned to interrupt us again. I don’t think I hurt his sentiments or anything, but I at least made him laugh.

Today evening, on my date with the same Kiwi guy, we went to a Café Coffee day. The waitress came up to us with the menu card. As we were trying to decide what we should order, she started advertising some merchandise (mugs and other items) that Café Coffee day is offering for the Valentine’s day. I couldn’t resist it. I asked her:

Do you think we two are dating?

She was surprised and started blushing and smiling profusely. I couldn’t wait to come back in again.

In fact, we actually are. You have a good eye!

She smiled even wider – if indeed that was possible – and didn’t know what to say. We consoled her saying that we’ll decide on the items and let her know later. She went back to the counter and turned back at us and smiled. She did that at least three times.

I think I have gotten this habit from Vinokur. I still remember Vinokur’s sister Cis saying to him that the words that he chooses to use during such occasions might be too heavy and harsh on his prey. I guess that holds the same for me true.

Straight date for a gay evening

I finally broke the jinx – I went out with the most beautiful woman that I know. That too, to a gay party. She is the aunt of my gay friend. It was a fundraiser party for the Queer Azadi March week. We met at the Bandra station. I was wearing a mix and match outfit with a kurta, jeans, and flip-flops. She was dressed as beautiful as ever in a saree and with a matching stole and shoes.

On our way to find a cab, one of the straps of her left shoe gave away. It was very embarrassing for her as she had never had a shoe-malfunction in any of her previous dates. We found a cab soon and got into it. However, the cabbie ran into his family by the roadside. He wanted to give them a ride back home and said that he’ll find us a cab first.

My gracious and beautiful date was so kind, she let the cabbie’s family travel with us – not only that she paid him a minimum fare too! I was moved by her kindness and generosity. In the second cab, we traveled to the venue of the party – Dios at Tardeo – the same venue where I had one too many drinks a couple of months at a birthday party where Cirkles were performing. On the way, we found a mochi (cobbler) and he managed to fix my date’s shoes. We bought ourselves Kolhapuris as a backup for.

It turned out to be a good decision – one of the buckles on the shoe that my date was wearing came off as we were walking to the venue after getting out of the cab. We meet our common friend Dee at the entrance – he was surprised to see us two together!

It was just about 10.15 pm by the time we entered. We went up to realize that there were hardly any people at the party. I hardly knew anyone except for the male money-mongering whore who I had seen in a few other parties. We got ourselves a couple of beers and sat at a couch with a fantastic view of the moon in front of us and talked.

Soon, people started trickling in and my date found a lot of young men who she from FaceBook – yes, Facebook. She knows dozens of young men who seek her company and advice on FaceBook. She is a fantastic lady and she offers her heart and soul to all of these young gay men who don’t have acceptance in their families. That’s how awesome my date is.

I took a look around and I found a bunch of my friends from other parties. I hung out with some of them. I tried to work my humor, but some of them were so bitchy and shallow that they took offense. That’s part and parcel of humor and sarcasm, I guess. Then, I found my dear friend Craig who was hanging out with his usual bunch of friends. We bitched about like how we always do. We love each other so much!

Then, I saw this male-whore trying to butter up a cute looking Firangi. Not only did I want to talk to this Firangi, I also wanted him to be warned about this whore trying to extract money from him. So, as he made his way to the bar, I sneaked in and bumped into this white guy and warned him about the whore. After that, I hung around him to see if he would initiate a conversation with me.

He eventually did and we spent the entire rest of the evening talking to each other. I was a little worried about leaving my date alone, but she was having a good time with her boys. Before the party ended, I exchanged numbers with the Firangi guy and we decided to meet up the next evening.

On our way back, I was a little worried if my date had felt bad. But I guess she didn’t. So, it was a good evening outing. I should do this more often.

A Friday To Remember (part 2)

(coninued…)

We got back on stage and played a short acoustic set. After that, we invited our friends and a talented bunch of musicians to perform a few songs. They invited our drummer to play with them for four songs and invited me to play drums for the fifth song. I started the song slow and I gave a shoddy performance behind the kit. But it was all mean in fun and I didn’t want to take all the negativity forward to my set of three songs, which included ‘Torn’ by Natalie Imbruglia, ‘The Prayer Inside This Song’, and ‘What I Have Lost’.

I introduced ‘The Prayer Inside This Song’ as a song written by my ex-boyfriend (Vinokur) in 1968 when after he had a hangover with cocaine. One guy in the crowd jumped out of his seat and asked me ‘Your boyfriend?’ I nodded. Later, I was introduced to him and he said that he was gay and was happy to see someone from the same ‘clan’! The set went okay, I thought – my voice was a little tired after the first set with the band. For a show without a proper soundcheck, I think the performance was good.

Later the band took over once more and we did a five-song finishing set, at the end of which the crowd started requesting for more. For some odd reason, Dr. R and Jay were in a hurry to leave – they didn’t even hang around to say a proper goodbye. I went back to my apartment with my date to have a drink and a lovely conversation which was sprinkled with a couple of private (special) performances of my songs. We slept really late. We woke up late and had coffee at home and breakfast at the Mucchawallah Dosawallah. Then I saw him off in a rick.

That capped a wonderful day of ups and downs where I think I succesfully managed all three major facets of my life. I tag this as a #win.