Park Conversation

It’s a bit past seven in the evening. I’m busy jotting down some ideas that I got after watching a YouTube tutorial about something.

I notice the two walking toward me.

The man, who is distinctly older than the older woman he’s walking with, has a mild limp. He indicates that he wants to sit on the bench.

I concede and move slightly over to my right after picking up my books and pens.

The man squeezes himself quite close to me, with more than half of the bench left vacant for the woman that he’s talking to. He’s quite sweaty, and the woman is aware of my discomfort,

She says, “There are no vacant benches on this stretch. So let’s go back.”

He retorts, “We can’t. It’s the evening. Someone would have sat on the one we were on. Let’s just sit here.”

“Let’s find some other benches, then.”

“But there won’t be any free. Maybe we can try over at the other side of the park.”

“Maybe I don’t want to sit. Let’s continue walking.”

“But I’m tired and I want to sit.”, as he progressively gets antsy. The woman reluctantly agrees and moves toward the bench.

By this time, I realize that I’m being pushed out of the bench. I request the man,“Could you please slide over a bit; there’s a lot of space on the other side.”

He doesn’t like this and he starts to get up. He looks at the woman and adds, “Let’s try the other side. There are too many mosquitoes here.”

The woman, visibly flabbergasted, says, “Why are the mosquitoes biting only you? That man is not being bitten. The couple over there at that bench don’t seem to be bitten. There will be more mosquitoes near those benches because of the toilet nearby!”

The man has gotten up by now and is slowly walking toward the toilet. The woman doesn’t say anything, and lets the man walk away. Then she makes her way to the bench and settles in and tells me.

“He’s so difficult to be with. Always rude. Behaving weirdly for some time now. Earlier today, we went to the tailor to pick up something given for sowing. I had already paid him. The man goes up to the tailor and starts yelling and calling names. The tailor later tells me, ‘Why is he like this? You are so nice!’ What can I do? I’m happy that he’s gone and sat away from me.”

I smile at her, letting her have the permission to go on.

“We just discovered this park. I didn’t know there was one so close by. It’s always so clean. Earlier, I walked all the way around the block to go over to the other one across the road. Then my doctor, who lives in the same building as I do, tells me about this park. So we came all the way around. I wish I had known about this.”

I tell her, “Even I discovered this park a few months ago. I have been living here for the last 6 years or so.”

“Oh really? How nice they keep it. Always clean.”

“There’s another one across this road.”

“Yes, I go there in the mornings. But this is so clean and neat. Tell me, wouldn’t there be more mosquitoes near those toilets? Why would he want to go there?”

All I can do is smile. She looks away, turns toward me and asks, “Where are you from?”

“What do you mean? I live in the building across the block.”

“No, I mean your native place.”

“Oh, I’m from Kerala.”

“I see. I have a friend from Kerala in that Tower. That one over there? He’s been asking me to come visit. Apparently, he has a charming bungalow with a swimming pool and a big yard. I should go sometime.”

She looks away after smiling. I smile and turn toward my book. She hangs around for a few more minutes before getting up and slowly making her way toward the benches near the toilet. She looks at me, smiles, and takes a couple of steps. Then she shows me a five-hundred-rupee note wrapped in her handkerchief and says,

“Now I have to go give this to the repair guy. I’m not going to let that man yell at poor shopkeepers.” Then she smiles, a big broad smile, and she waves at me. A gentle farewell and walks away.

POV in songwriting

Isn’t it a wonder* that two days after I have my first formal lesson regarding point of view (POV) in the context of writing, Jay brings up POV in my songwriting.

His observation was that most of my songs have first-person singular pronouns and that I might come across as being self-centered.

I do realize this, or at least I think that I thought I did. He’s right, at least about the observation, but not the judgment. I write most songs from a first-person POV, but not necessarily with me as the protagonist.

Of course, I explained this to Jay, and I promised to be more conscious about this in the songs that I write in the future.

In literature, especially in sci-fi, I prefer third-person omniscient narratives because they seem to be most easy for me to consume.

I remember discussing, in a book-club read-along channel, how I was unsettled by a change in perspective from a third-person omniscient POV to a first-person POV (Chasm City), in the middle of a multi-volume sci-fi series (Revelation Space) by Alastair Reynolds.

But that left me wondering what the distribution of the first-, second-, and third-person POV in lyrics for the most popular songs. Does anyone have an answer?

PS: I’m aware that it is really not a wonder; it is a coincidence, but I wanted to refer to a Boyzone song from the late ’90s, which I was reminded of when I wrote this.

The storm

There’s a storm raging. It’s drifting in from about 500 kilometers north. The game is on, and unlike other days, I’m following it live. Because there is a storm inside.

I had a conversation with my friend at work. I mentioned the conversation that I had with my boss about spending less time at work. He broke it down further. Financial uncertainty will remain, unless I start doing session work, which his brother (and my friend) has been doing for the time that I have been at this job.

The other aspect of the storm is my age and what it takes to be successful as an artist/musician, especially from the fanbase-building and marketing point of view. This stems from the webinar recordings of the Success With Music conference, where the speakers (all successful musicians in one way or the other) detail the things that they do, on a daily basis, to stay relevant.

I have not been on social media for five years. I don’t think I’ll be on as myself ever in the future, but I have to be on under my artist identity. What tailspin will that send me to?

PS: As I type this, the rain is pelting down up north too. Fingers crossed.

Day 2/18

Today was closer to my expectation than yesterday. Close enough to be worrisome. I suppose it is always a challenge with classes that involve people of varying skill and experience levels, especially when all participants are expected to participate at the same level/intensity. The participation is not forced yet it is not voluntary.

What we did was interesting, though. Today’s lesson was focused on the opening lines of books. About the hooks that we perceive in them and the related questions that are raised. The instructor was a bit forceful and insistent on the need for a captivating first line of a book, without which, she argued, the book is at risk of losing potential readership.

She started with the two examples from Moby Dick (Herman Melville) and Behind the Walls of Terra (Philip Jose Francis). The latter, which I haven’t read (I have only read PJF’s To Your Scattered Bodies Go — aargh, what an awful title!), had the classic sci-fi hook.

“The sky was green for twenty-four years. Suddenly, it turned blue.”

from “Behind the Walls of Terra” by Philip Jose Francis

The former, which had oodles of finesse and intrigue is what got my attention.

“Call me Ishmael. Some years ago—never mind how long precisely—having little or no money in my purse, and nothing particular to interest me on shore, I thought I would sail about a little and see the watery part of the world.”

from “Moby Dick” by Herman Melvile

Now that’s what I call a first line. I thought it rivaled that of One Hundred Years of Solitude, which, by the way, was the first of the dozen titles the class was expected to analyze, discuss, dissect, and so on.

“Many years later, as he faced the firing squad, Colonel Aureliano Buendía was to remember that distant afternoon when his father took him to discover ice.”

from “One Hundred Years of Solitude” by Gabriel Garcia Marquez

We were split into three groups. Unfortunately, the first group, which I was a part of, was supposed to work with the first four lines, which were exclusively from books that I have read (apart from One Hundred Years of Solitude, they were from 1984, Neuromancer, and A Catcher in the Rye).

I labeled this unfortunate because I had just recently spent a lot of time analyzing at least two of these books, and the lack of familiarity with sci-fi could (and did) lead to problems in interpreting the nuances in the two related titles.

So I actually ended up enjoying the interpretations of the rest of the eight titles, none of which I had read.

Our homework was to learn about the different points of view and to label these titles accordingly. I have already finished this task. Now all I have left are the extra reading resources that our instructor has shared by email.

Day 1 of 18

Today was the first day of the Creative Writing Course by The British Council Library.

Just after 3 pm, I found myself in a Zoom call with the most charming, inspiring instructor and about 10 other students from across India. Youth to senescence, North to South, woke to naive, all represented in this eclectic mix.

What I liked most about the lesson was the lucidity of the instructor, and her expert management of the discourse in the class. She was firm without being oppressive, playful without being callous, positive without being sappy, and instructional without being didactic.

I think she would make for a great friend and mentor for anyone, regardless of whether you want to be a writer or not. I could also envision running into her at one of those Bandra/Khar musician parties that I was invited regularly to in the late 2000s, back when I was still a social animal. At least I was pretending to be one then.

I also learned that this was Module 1 of a potential two, which I think I ought to take. I already have a creeping feeling that some of the lessons in Module 1 might be too basic for someone like me, but learning is best when you re-examine the sturdiness of your foundation and relay it if it is needed.

I have already finished the necessary post-lesson reading, which is actually pre-lesson reading for tomorrow. I can’t wait for Day 2/18.

PS: The iPad, on which I’m writing this, is not a great device to learn via Zoom, especially when the learning involves downloading and working on files.

Lesson

The first lesson is done.

Tough. My friend and teacher wants me to observe myself perform when I’m performing.

She thinks that this exercise makes people performance ready. Regardless of the setting, stage, or audience ready.

In my fourth attempt, I was able to do what she wanted me to do. She said that what I did was good enough to give her goosebumps.

Makes me feel more confident about my potential.

The support

I have it. The support. From my employer. To do what I want to do. While continuing to work for them, but in a flexible manner.

The doctor didn’t quite order that. But it might be an opportunity created by one. Because of the way the doctor has been. For a decade and half.

This comes on the eve for my first vocal lesson after months, a lesson during which I will work on the first song that I plan to formally record with the intent of releasing it.

It is also the eve of the eve of my first creative writing lesson! Fingers frikkin’ crossed!

Happy Birthday

Another friend of mine. It’s his birthday today. The one that I have been drifting away from.

I don’t usually wish people on their birthdays. Or anniversaries. I think they highlight the more superficial aspects of relationships.

But I still wished my friend. I can’t pinpoint why I did that. But I still did. He responded with the warmth that we once had in our relationship, and I responded in kind.

Then we broke out into humor. The thing that we had built our once-strong relationship on.

So maybe there is something to wishing people on their anniversaries.

Where we are all headed

My friend is not dead.

I wrote him yesterday after I wrote here. He responded within the hour, explaining that he’s been unwell and in and out of the hospital for a few months.

If you think I have been unreasonable in expecting him to have died, he had almost done so in the past few weeks. Massive coronary, almost complete block of two of the three coronaries. Stenting done.

But beyond that, he’s had a urinary issue and is catheterized. I can’t even imagine spending months with a Foley’s.

That’s what we’re all headed toward I suppose.

Nicely summed by this quote:

“You know what’s good about old age. It doesn’t last long.”

No Country for Old Men

Waning Certainties

Today, I wanted to be more sure about what I plan to do, but as I write this, I feel less sure than I have been in the last few weeks.

One of two tough conversations done. Not tough, but difficult. Difficult only because I don’t think the people who I’m talking to realize the magnitude of what I’m about to do. They don’t realize how difficult it is for me to even think of doing it.

Uncertain future. Uncertain finances. Is the risk worth taking? I have been through being broke once. Barely. That took a lot. Vinokur and my friends to thank for. For that I’m still here, writing this.

I’m feeling so out of it that, despite a wonderful conversation that I had with a friend of mine, doing rounds in the park, as I’m about to turn the lights off, I’m searching for obituaries of my close friends, those who I haven’t been in touch with for a while.

Tomorrow, I’m hoping to have a word with my boss. How will that turn out, I wonder?