Uncooperative housing society

I live in an apartment in a cooperative housing society. The term’s self-explanatory, but what’s not self-evident is the irony in the adjective.

Today I was part of an Annual General Body Meeting of the society. This is the one time in the year that I get to meet and greet (and talk to) people who are technically my neighbors. Otherwise, I just say hi to literally three individuals in the building, two of who live across the hallway.

The last time I was in such a meeting, I purposefully stayed silent, trying to observe the proceedings in the meetings. Each point that comes up for discussion systematically breaks down into multiple conversations among attendees within seconds, and the occasional one ends up with a yelling match between two or more dominant tellers.

Today was pretty much the same, except that I spoke up for a couple of points. People finally heard me. But the results were the same. Cacophony of uncooperative people pretending to be in a cooperative society.

As an icing on the cake, there were a couple of 15-minute yelling matches, one of which was a proposal for a small increase in the maintenance charges. The arguments put forth by the two opposers made me realize how non-clued-in people were about economics and inflation and about cooperation.

The other one was a status quo conversation regarding how to manage security staff who tend to sleep more than secure the building. Apparently, the society wants all members to yell at the slacking staff. More people raising their voices would raise the conscience levels of the security staff in not doing the exact thing that they are not supposed to do.

At the end of it all, I am reminded once again that I’m in India and things don’t really change regardless of the spin that you put on the name that you use to put a coat of paint over it.

Downtime breakdown

What downtime is (for me):

  • Being by myself
  • Staying at home
  • Sleeping in or napping
  • Reading
  • Not working (on music/writing/work)
  • Beer
  • Biryani
  • Comfort food
  • Watching live sport

What downtime isn’t (for me):

  • Travel
  • Socialization
  • Going out
  • Getting drunk
  • Partying
  • Sight-seeing
  • Shopping

So, for me, vacation is not downtime.

The purpose for creating art

Q: Should an artist be chasing glory of/by the art they make, or should they be satisfied with the process of creating it?

A: I want the answer to be the latter, but there is something in me that wants more. Leaving a legacy behind. And that process is more challenging and the path is paved with mines of traumatic past. The more noble cause might be to expect nothing from the efforts that you put in, and thereby improve the quality of your output. If it brings you fame and success, you take it. But you don’t strive for it.

The other day, on the train, I was listening to a podcast on music business. The interviewee was talking about her approach to creating music. She said something like:

”Keep both your hands outstretched. Consider one (let’s say “right”) has all the things that you put in to create the music. Consider the other one (the “left” one) as the things that might result from it. Discount the “left” hand completely. That’s the key to success.

Sounds so simple. Yet so difficult.

It’s been over two weeks since I have had meaningful work done for my music projects. The viral infection that I seem to have had is still leaving with a mild headache (mostly in the evenings) and a tendency to sleep in later.

On the positive side, this is the first weekend that I’ll have where I don’t have to spend a significant chunk of time on the Creative Writing course. In retrospect, even though I learned a lot from it, that course has left me with more questions and worries. To be honest, I regret having taken that course. And yet, here I am, convinced that I’ll take the second module of that course.

The (Disgusting) Kitchens of Travel

I have never really pondered this thought.

While traveling, it is a good idea to not see the kitchen where the food is made.

My recent AirBNB experience gave me some clarity. A beautiful villa which looks almost as beautiful in real life as it does in photograph. In fact, the photographs do near-perfect justice to all the living quarters.

Except the kitchen, the bathrooms, and the dining area.

I’m limiting this post to the kitchen. When I walked into it, the stink wasI never wanted to come back to do anything. It smelled of damp, dirty wash clothes. The counters were grimy and food stains all over the place. The scrubbing sponges were old and slimy, and all the utensils seemed to have butter stains. It’s almost like someone had thrown some melted butter around and did not do a good job at cleaning it up.

I spent about three hours over two days trying to clean the place up. First up, the necessary items needed to be bought or replaced. But, really, you can’t buy all the stuff that you would need to clean a dirty kitchen up because you are staying there for only a few days. Moreover, it is difficult to get good quality stuff from the nearby village general stores. So with the limited cleaning material, my efforts did improve the situation, but it was far from comfortable.

It was so disgusting that I didn’t want to use the plates and the cutlery even after having cleaned it. Not just because of the history of maintenance but also because of the persistent baseline stink that you had to encounter while accessing the kitchen.

And that’s when the thought occurred to me. I suppose the same thing applies to the kitchens in restaurants. And further on, how the produce got to the kitchen.

PS: Before you start wondering why the people who were renting out were cleaning and not the caretakers themselves, let me tell you that we were greeted by a piss-drunk caretaker wreaking of cheap booze. There was no point in asking someone like that to clean up the place. The lack of cleanliness of the parts of the apartment that were clean was living proof.

Home’s not always sweet

A bit of a melodramatic title, but it is true.

I came home nice and early after the train ride back from the vacation. But I was greeted by a limping Blu, who was actively running around until the night before. Since then, she has had a lot of rest and is not limping anymore. She is still choosing to use the affected foreleg differently from the contralateral one.

The, as I unpacked my parcels, I realize issues with a couple, which needed long conversations with Amazon Support. After sorting it out, with a tired head and brain, thanks to the relatively restless sleep in the train, I started my workday. Busy workday, but relatively productive.

Then The help called to state her inability to visit because of a broken umbrella situation. And yes, just like in Goa, it’s been raining non-stop in Mumbai too. Just as I was about to wind up at work, the downstairs neighbor called me again to state that there is a leak in his living room because of some water-logging on my balcony. I inspected my balcony, went over to his place and inspected his leak, and had a long conversation about a potential solution.

His apartment, thanks to the lack of clutter, made me feel awkward and conscious about mine, which has many things that need to be put away in closed storage.

This is certainly not the type of welcome home that I would have expected for myself. Home’s much better than vacation in AirBNBs, but it’s not always sweet.

When I Get Home

  • I’ll get to be less miserable with other people. It’ll be just me that I’ll get miserable with.
  • I’ll have access to a clean bathroom and a clean kitchen.
  • I’ll have access to all my clothes and books.
  • I’ll have access to real computing (the iPad is a really, really shitty device)
  • I will have all my usual worries.
  • I will fucking not be on vacation.
  • I can work toward failing at my goals.

Kali

I don’t think I have written about her too much. Kali is Jay’s friend’s dog. She’s the resident of the bungalow that we stay in when we’re in Goa.

Kali’s eight and she’s black. She’s the dog that I have sketched the most. She’s the dog that I have rubbed up against the most. Even more than KiKi because KiKi doesn’t like rubbing up against people.

I still remember the first winter at the house when Kali was an adolescent puppy. I would roll on the floor with her and let her do things with my face that I don’t let humans do. Lick, slobber, gnaw at.

I would crouch with my head bent down, to give her incentive to get worked up and tackle me. I would rub up against her toe-beans, her ears, and the corners of her month. She’d growl and submit herself to me like a littermate.

I am writing about her because that’s the only thing that I have enjoyed on my trip so far. I’m already away from the bungalow, and I won’t see her until next year. I miss her.

Day 2/4

Feel like shit. Feel like I’m dragging people down with me. Feel like I don’t belong. Feel like I have made yet another mistake of choosing to travel.

To be with people who I hardly share anything with. To be in situations that I look forward to getting out of. Running down to my room.

Oh yes, it’s the latter half of the year. It’s the time when I usually have exacerbations of my down-phases. This seems awfully too early an onset. Ganpati is still weeks away. Oh, how miserable I’ll be through the festival season into the end of the year.

I’m writing this after having moved into an air-BNB villa that saddens me. The artwork, the awful dining area, the listless kitchen, which I scrubbed down a few minutes ago. Hell, we had to even go get some soap, scrubbers, and wipers before I could begin to settle.

Things I hear myself tell others

  • I would only want to travel if I get paid for it.
  • I wish Vinokur and my friends hadn’t helped me out of my first depression state; I wouldn’t need to have lived this long through this miserable life.
  • I don’t know how I’m going to spend time with people who seem to all be in a happy place.
  • I will soon realize that I was always destined to be a failure. Until then, I’ll fool myself and hope that I can change things around.

The Train Journey

The evening had busied itself up, with unexpected conversations and extended meetings. I swore under my breath sweet nothings. Not the right day for things to go south because I needed to go North to catch the train. I need to do that by suburban (local) trains.

I somehow managed to quell the urgencies and exigencies at work and shut down my computers. Then a quick shower and I got into my traveling outfit. A quick peek at the clock told me that I’m early, and the windows showed a light drizzled threatening to get heavier.

I looked at the note that I had drafted two mornings ago with all my options for the local-train trip. I had four stations as options to catch the local that would take me to the boarding station, but I had to take a local to get to the best two. Considering that I was early, I decided to take a rickshaw to the norther of the two. Technically, this would make things easier because I now only had one local trip to worry about.

The rain was heavier by the time I was dropped off at the station premises. When I walked in, it dawned on me that the lack of familiarity with how things worked at this station might make things difficult. I had to study the station map and updated local training listings to position myself at the best position on the foot over-bridge to keep a watch on the upcoming trains and their platforms.

The trains were running late by about fifteen min, but I hadn’t intended to consider some north-bound trains that were starting from the station. For a long-distance traveler, these would be the best because one would likely find a place to sit. Plus, there would be enough time to get on one with larger suitcases and bags.

Yet, I persisted with the original plan. I had two AC locals as targets. Both would arrive about 15 min apart on different platforms. I decided to go for the first of the two, which was likely to be more crowded and difficult to get into. Because I had never done this (got on such a train at such a time from such a station), I was anxious.

The wait on the platform was excruciating. Each passing moment made me feel like I had chosen wrong—the wrong train and the wrong station.

There were other passengers like me starting their long-distance multi-train journeys, but an actual long-distance train was also listed to arrive at the platform shortly. So I couldn’t make out if many were waiting for that, for the logistics of getting into a packed Mumbai local are vastly different from those for other trains.

When my train pulled in, I tried to look in through the frosted windows on the packed-ness of the train. My heart sank. It looked too packed and with mean office commuters trying to reach home. But when it came to a half and the automatic doors swished open, I was pleasantly surprised to find some space, and I was able to get in and park myself in a location that would not get in the way of too many people trying to get out of the train in the stations before mine.

Thankfully, the train emptied gradually as it made its way North, and I exited at my station without much trouble. But now I was at another unfamiliar station about 2 hours before the arrival of the actual train. The station did not even have a proper waiting area, and there were hundreds of people who had prepared to arrive earlier thanks to the rain, just like me.

Later, I found myself writing to Jay’s friends that the trip to the eventual train was more vexing than anything else. I compared it to a moderately difficult competitive entrance examination. I remembered that had also explained to my therapist that the only way to make this into a pleasant experience would be to gamify the entire commute.

Over most of the next two hours, I had to sit next to an old man who chewed pan and spat right between his legs to the ground. How disgusting! But I also made friends with a cute stray dog and found ogled at a couple of non-spitting older men, who returned the favor. During this time, I managed to catch up with some tech podcasts that needed catching up before the tech got too old.

When the train eventually arrived about twenty minutes late and I boarded the coach, again without much trouble. But I found myself surrounded by relatively annoying passengers. Some talked too loud and some wanted me (a solitary traveler) to move to another compartment because their group had been allocated seats far apart, and what not. I tried to refuse politely and settled into my upper side birth, after having some chicken and egg rolls for dinner.

Despite the glare of the ceiling lights, which weren’t dimmed until midnight, I managed to catch some sleep. Then I woke up, had a quick snack, and got into a new novel that I had been meaning to start. It’s a novel set in Nigeria called My Sister, The Serial Killer.

My sleep was broken and I woke up with a mild headache. The windows rendered the monsoony glory of the coastal Konkan region in all its magnificence. Soon I’d be at my arrival station, and a cab ride from there would get me to Jay and Kali, the dog at our friend’s place.