Park or you?

Before dawn breaks, you wake. An urge pulls you to the park, untouched by your footsteps for too long.

You walk, you think, more in your head than on the path. The park greets you, but it’s strange, unfamiliar.

No dogs bark, no familiar nods. The grass, once lush, now fades.You sit, you think. On an old bench, memories flood in.

Not writing, just thinking. Has the park changed, or is it you? Observations mix with memories. Time passes.

They hold a lifetime of reflections. You question, you ponder. The park, yourself, everything feels new, yet old.

Change surrounds you, within and without.

Another day, another night

Today is the third day of me pretty much doing the same thing. Going the to mall and checking out blazers, that kind of stuff. But today was different. Today I knew what I had to do. There is less uncertainty about different choices and prices. I knew I had to get something and I just did that.

I ran into a little problem though, which I had the luxury to smooth off with beer. I had to get one of the blazers altered, which would take me about an hour. That led me to the most obvious place to get a drink, but that was disappointing. Instead, I went to a dinner-type place and had a couple of draughts.

If you know more, a beer and a half do me a lot of good in terms of loosening up. I enjoyed reading up on the news, catching up on the latest promo by The Rock, and eyeing the older member of a transgenerational M2M couple having beers a few tables over to my right.

I’m back at home and after having dinner, the beers are still singing to me. I’m singing to myself. I’m thinking of working on some music. Maybe even record a song for someone at work who’s celebrating their 17th work anniversary.

Ha, marvel at how different life is on days merely separated by a sunrise. Also, marvel at how beers make me feel like how I think I should.

A start

Sets of chairs in groups of two, three, and four, fastened to each other, but looking away from each other as if to show conflict.

Lamps with shades of varying sizes with designs resembling, either blooming flowers or aliens that are trying to either capture their prey or to let out their offspring out into the world.

Flickering lights, differing in frequency of flicker as well as a color that the emit, indicating different levels of urgency, threat and a state of disrepair.

Hundress of lost souls, some chasing their dreams some drowning in their misery, all trying to get to the gates, through which they will pass to another stage of their lives, something that they hope will be better than what they’ve been through so far.

The air is warm for a climate controlled environment, with hints and tinges of things that people wear and air they discard.

Three women communicating announcements regarding the arrival of dirigibles and the openings of gates, with each of them using a different dialect, a different tone, and a different emotion in that announcements.

Sitting here and waiting for something to happen is someone who is looking forward to meeting his sibling, having had a bit too much food because he was not sure when his next meal would be.

He wants to report on the meeting and conversations that would evolve. In fact, he’s looking forward to meeting and training his siblings, offering to prepare them for the bottles that they were going to fight through the rest of their lives.

And so the story begins.

Reflections

A failure.
Deconstruct it.
All the little steps.
Everything amounts to nothing.

A house.
He constructed it.
All the little details.
Everything in his heart.

A party.
We were invited to it.
All ten other souls.
Everyone’s in the Christmas spirit.

A stray cat.
We encouraged it.
All white with a black jacket.
Everyone wants a piece of it.

A noon ride.
We planned for it.
All the world is on the roads.
Everyone’s escaping or coming home.

Partially inspired by Martin Silenius from Hyperion.

An evening

A woman with her golden retriever was in the elevator. She was scared—not the dog but the woman. She was cowering. worried that the person who stepped into the elevator would be afraid of the dog. How ironic.

I tried to calm her. I told her that it’s fine. You can let dog do what she wants. I asked her which floor she was from. She told me 13th. She asked me where I am from. She obviously had not noticed where I had stepped into the elevator on. I said sixth.

I asked if the dog was a golden retriever, intending to confirm that it’s not a cross between a labrador and a golden retriever. She confirmed.

Th I told her several years ago I used to walk golden retriever in the locality of my older apartment. She was smiling at me. I wondered how she look if she were angry. Only people who smile with their heart would have deeper anger, I thought.

Then she asked me if I had a dog. I said, “no I have a cat, but I love dogs. Actually all animals. all animals other than people.” Her smile was wider.

By then, we had reached the bottom of the building b, and there were people waiting to get inside and they did cower in fear of the dog. Only in India, I tell you

But the dog leapt out, followed by her master, dragging her master behind. She had her on a leash. I smiled at them—the dog didn’t seem to sense—and I walked past them on my way to the park.

On my way. I saw a man in his 50s, sitting on the tall footsteps leading to a shop, staring blankly across the road at me. At least, I thought he was staring at me. I do think people stare at me. I do think people find me funny looking, or should I say ugly? That last sentiment is straight out of the book that I’m reading it is called Sexographies by Gabriella Wiener.

A few minutes later, as I found my favourite bench and I opened my Kindle and started reading. I noticed the familiar silhouette of the boy, twirling and twisting in front of me, trying to get my attention, eventually settling a few feet away from me on the walkway playing with the twigs. I had my new old phone to configure and Philip K Dick’s Radio Free Albemuth to follow.

Feb 13, 2011

Rob stood there looking at the swarm of youth on the dance floor. It was a party that he had invited himself to after hearing from a local friend who had taken a rain check, something his travel mate Andy had not warmed up to. It was not the first time he was in the city that had renamed itself Mumbai, but this was different.

This was exciting. He never knew about a subculture like this in a country that had chosen to stay Victorian in social values a century after they had been outdated. He thought that was interesting considering that his adopted nation has chosen to move forward in this manner despite being part of the Commonwealth.

“Are you visiting or do you live here?”

He heard the words clearly but couldn’t make out the source. From his left and to his back emerged a figure. The first thing that caught Rob’s attention was the hair, which was wavy and a couple of inches over shoulder height. The eyes were inviting too, with a hint of a smile beyond the prodigious smile that the man’s lips were trying not to hide.

Rob realized that he hadn’t responded.

“I’m here on vacation. Nice to meet you.”

Rob introduced himself. The man introduced himself as Kris, although Rob knew that there was more to the name than that. He seemed to be in his late 20s, was taller than the average crowd, and had long sinewy fingers.

“What’s your drink?” asked Kris.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I’m a teetotaler.”

“A what?”

“I mean to say that I don’t enjoy alcoholic drinks.”

“Oh, that’s a first in my life.”

“You seem to be running out of yours. Shall I get you one?”

“Thanks, but I’m about to leave anyway. I was finding it boring. I’m not into dance or partying. I am here alone and I couldn’t find anyone to have a conversation with. Well, until I met you.”

“That’s a shame; I had just arrived. Why don’t you stay some more time.”

“Well, I’d have loved to, but I have an early morning tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow’s a Sunday. What sort of job makes you work an early morning on a Sunday.”

“Well, I have a rehearsal. Sunday morning routine. With my band.”

“Ah, I see.”

After a momentary pause, the young man asked him.

“Would you like to meet tomorrow evening? It’s Valentine’s Day and I don’t have a date.”

“That would be lovely.” Rob didn’t realize that he had said it until after saying it.

“So let’s exchange numbers. I’ll text you on my way out and hopefully, we’ll meet tomorrow.”

“Sounds good. Nice to meet you, Kris”

“Pleasures is mine, Rob. See ya tomorrow”

They hugged without meaning to be aggressive. As Kris was about to pull away, they caught each other in the eye. Rob pulled Kris back toward him and planted a gentle kiss on the lips.

“Safe travels. See you tomorrow!”

Dead morning

A plane wades across the pale blue sky. It must also be feeling the thick air in the middle of November. It seems far too North for it to go on any traditional routes. It must be one of those short flights to the smaller cities to the North East. You could avoid the flights if the road/rail infrastructure was better.
Apart from that, nothing but the birds seem to move. But everything is alive. The birds are going on about their mornings without a care.
If one leans on auditory sensations, you can detect more motion. The workers of the building coming up behind mine are like birds. A train blasts its horn on its way into the station toward the south. A million sparrows chirp away somewhere nearby.
The cat is alive because of the birds that are too. She is alert and wants to relax. But that can’t happen until the sun climbs up further. When the world deadens even more.

Magic

A phenomenon that happens when two or more people come together and have a shared experience that is beyond what they have been capable of. It is also beyond what each one of them could do.

If this is an acceptable definition of “magic”, I might be able to argue that something has changed between me and Jay in the last week. We are talking better, we are more appreciative of each other, and we are generally more respectful toward each other.

It might have taken several years to get here, but we did. We have. Just after we completed eleven years.

The performance

It was amazing. I started rough but pulled it off. I got some good feedback too.

I have so much more confidence to do this now.

Thank you, friends.

Better

Today was different. Dare I say I find joy in doing things. I feel queasy when I say this. But I do see the evidence. I’m trying to be funny. I’m trying to initiate conversations. I’m thinking about doing things differently.

Someone asked me at the top of the day how I was doing, and I said ‘Not too bad, thank you.’

Let’s see what I did differently. Mind you – today was a holiday for me.

• I woke up later without an alarm.
• Instead of jumping into routine reading, I did some things that I had been putting away.
• I did not feel like I was running out of time.
• I wrote about things that matter to me — about gay marriage equality — on LinkedIn.
• I interacted with people who I don’t interact with on LinkedIn.
• I interacted with work colleagues on holiday.
• I took photos of Blu and shared them with people who I cared for.
• I chatted with a friend of mine, whom I stubbornly refuse to meet, about books.
• I finished listening to The Ministry For The Future by Kim Stanley Robinson; in retrospect, it was so-so.
• Then I started reading and I finished a book (Mr. Cables); it was an enjoyable thriller. I’d read more works by Ronald Malfi, the author.
• Then, something that I had not planned for happened. The local internet service provider announced himself to convert my connection to fiber. He and I spent a painstaking 3 hours to get the cabling done (thanks to shoddy work by my contractor and electrician a few years back). I had a meal in the middle of this and I cleaned up after all the mess that was created. All through this, I found myself to not lose my cool.
• Then I watered the plants, cleaned the litter, and took a shower.
• Then I read at my reading nook, rediscovering how nice it actually is. Today was a breezy, relatively cool, hot day.
• For the first time in I don’t know how long, i felt like indulging in myself. I ordered a couple of bottles of red and some beers. The wine because I was inspired by the lead character in Mr. Cables.
• I rehearsed a bit, singing songs from various genres. This was fun. I sound like I’m having fun. I’m having fun sounding like I am.
• Read a bunch of The Dark Forest by Ci Xin Liu. What a book! What concepts.
• Watched the World Cup game on the side.
• Had a nice conversation with Jay.
• Had dinner.
• Now I’m writing and finishing up my day.

So someone asked me at the end of the day how I was doing. I said, ‘I’m better.”