The perfomance

Today, as I write this, I’m about to get on stage with my niece for a New Year’s Eve. We are doing Nothing’s Gonna Change My Love For You by George Benson and O Mere Dil Ke Chain by Kishore Kumar.

It has been a great experience for me to teach my niece and make her comfortable in doing these songs. She doesn’t have any previous experience playing with an accompanying musician. I was reminded of what Dave Grohl felt when he had to teach his daughter drums. He felt like he was the worst teacher/drummer and couldn’t do a decent job. That’s exactly what I felt too.

Hopefully, things will turn out well and my niece will have a pleasant experience coming out of it.

Hyperion, you beauty!

Hyperion by Dan Simmons is the best novel I have read all year (2023). I started it much later than I usually do. I think it was the 15th of December and I finished it yesterday on the airplane on my way to my sister’s. I was left reeling with what I had read when I re-read the famous last chapter (The Consul’s Tale: Remembering Siri and the Epilogue). I then went on to read about the book for about an hour after I got into bed at around 1 am.

I think it has had an impact on me similar to that after I first read the MorningLightMountain chapter from Pandora’s Star by Peter Hamlton on New Year’s Eve in 2017. I remember that evening vividly. I was in Goa with Jay, and as usual, I was feeling alienated by the conversations that were going on around the dinner table. I remember settling in with a whiskey with my most-favorite dog in the world, Kali, and being mind-blown.

The only other similar remarkable experience has been while listening to the Remembrance of the Earth’s Past trilogy on multiple motorcycle rides from Mumbai to the interiors of Maharashtra through the Western Ghats. Some of the chapters were so mind-blowing that I remember stopping the bike by the cliffs of Malshej Ghat and taking the concepts in with the breathtaking beauty of the mountains. This was also in the winter.

What does this say about me? And, most importantly, what will I read in December 2024 that can rival these?

A start

Sets of chairs in groups of two, three, and four, fastened to each other, but looking away from each other as if to show conflict.

Lamps with shades of varying sizes with designs resembling, either blooming flowers or aliens that are trying to either capture their prey or to let out their offspring out into the world.

Flickering lights, differing in frequency of flicker as well as a color that the emit, indicating different levels of urgency, threat and a state of disrepair.

Hundress of lost souls, some chasing their dreams some drowning in their misery, all trying to get to the gates, through which they will pass to another stage of their lives, something that they hope will be better than what they’ve been through so far.

The air is warm for a climate controlled environment, with hints and tinges of things that people wear and air they discard.

Three women communicating announcements regarding the arrival of dirigibles and the openings of gates, with each of them using a different dialect, a different tone, and a different emotion in that announcements.

Sitting here and waiting for something to happen is someone who is looking forward to meeting his sibling, having had a bit too much food because he was not sure when his next meal would be.

He wants to report on the meeting and conversations that would evolve. In fact, he’s looking forward to meeting and training his siblings, offering to prepare them for the bottles that they were going to fight through the rest of their lives.

And so the story begins.

Lord of Light

Robert Zelazny’s work on Lord of Light is audaciously mercurial or nauseatingly cringe-inducing.

The book’s cover says one of the best five sci-fi books ever written. I have a hard time agreeing to that. The one thing that I’m willing to agree with is that it is one of the coolest interpretations of Hindu mythology.

My father and my religious relatives from Kerala might have had a hard time reconciling what Zelazny’s work implies. Still, on superficial examination, they would have loved an American writer using the whole Hindu pantheon to write a story (?plausible).

Zelazny’s prose is utterly gorgeous and is written in the style that one would expect a great translation/version of the Hindu epics to be written.

And yet, no one (that I knew/know) knew about the book. Why the hell is that, one wonders.

Illness

My weird viral infection is eminently indecisive. One day it gets worse and the next it gets better.

Today was one of the worst days after the day-after-onset. My RAT test came out negative. But I might yet have passed it on to friends and family.

On the good-alternate days, I have either worked (on office work) or done motorcycle rides. On the bad-alternate days so far, I have taken leaves, worked but sulked, or socialized.

Today was one of those worked-but-sulked days.

Bottom down

Today I felt like I’m about to to hit the absolute bottom of my life. They say that there is only one way out of here. Up. But what if I figure out ways to dig even deeper? There are always questions. I have never disappointed myself in being more disappointing.

Reflections

A failure.
Deconstruct it.
All the little steps.
Everything amounts to nothing.

A house.
He constructed it.
All the little details.
Everything in his heart.

A party.
We were invited to it.
All ten other souls.
Everyone’s in the Christmas spirit.

A stray cat.
We encouraged it.
All white with a black jacket.
Everyone wants a piece of it.

A noon ride.
We planned for it.
All the world is on the roads.
Everyone’s escaping or coming home.

Partially inspired by Martin Silenius from Hyperion.

Kite & Crow

Kite

I groom myself
For there is no one else capable
I am myself
For there is no way else to be
I am alone
For there is no one to share these heights
I am high
For there is no one daring to be me

Crow

You are big, you are slow, you are a fool
You are high, you are low, you are always alone
You have eyes, you are sharp, you are a machine
Follow us, bow to us, but we’ll never treat you king

The loop

Despite my illness, I’m in the country house, spending the three-day weekend with Jay. We are riding. No chance of spreading illness. Of course, there is the risk of me passing on the bug to Jay, but that’s a risk one has to take is one lives with partners.

Maybe it is the illness but maybe it is not. I’m absolutely frustrated with myself. I seem to be doing more and more, but spending less and less on things that I want to make progress on.

The classical productivity improvement loop. You learn more and you do more to make sure that you are tracking and organizing to ensure you are productive, while spending less and less time on things that will make you productive.

I acknowledge it. I acknowledge my failings. But I think I’m close to getting a grasp on a system that will help me do more and more and not work hard to keep it going. So yesterday morning, I decided that I’m going to dedicate this weekend to cleaning my productivity system up.

I actually started last night after work. And I think I have made sufficient progress to justify this venture.

Could it be?

I am having symptoms of a viral illness that could very well be another episode of COVID. JN.1 is doing the rounds around India now. Whatever is being reported is likely less than 1% of the actual incidence.

Let’s see. I remember being sneezed at on the pool on Tuesday morning. Within a few hours, I had a full-fledged viral prodrome and I had to take a day off from work on Wednesday. Yesterday, I felt better than today.

It could be. There are people at work who have similar symptoms. Like many, they are not going to change their behavior. Unlike them, I have kept myself socially isolated. But like them, I haven’t taken a test.

Fingers crossed.